The Feline Geometer

Some notes toward a more advanced understanding of cat math

Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

I thought it was my imagination, but apparently it’s not. Or at least — it’s not just my imagination. Here’s a quote from popular writer Pam Brown:

“Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause the
most inconvenience.”

My own resident feline rarely sits when he can lie down, and when lying down, arranges himself to cover the largest possible portion of a narrow yet well-traveled passage. But if he has to sit up for a while, he’ll figure out how to be in the way.

Can this be by accident? I think not.

The question is — how does he accomplish this? How do cats, generally, manage to be so efficiently inconvenient?

Their secret is applied mathematics.

1. Strategic Thinking (Maps and Naps)

Let’s start with a fundamental axiom: What is perceived as an inconvenience by a human is always an opportunity from the feline perspective.

For example — parking in a place that will make human activity maximally awkward offers several potential sources of pleasure if you are a cat.

• Opportunity 1: If more ankles are forced to pass near your whiskers, there will be more chances…